#2913: Periodic Table Regions explain

[A periodic table with regions labeled. Regions are marked with shapes that have rounded edges and sometimes a chemical element can be partially in two regions.]

[Hydrogen:]

Slightly fancy protons

[Lithium and beryllium:]

Weird dirt

[4 elements below:]

Regular dirt

[6 elements further below:]

Ends in a number, let it slumber

ends in a letter, not much better

[Left side of the transition metals group:]

Boring alloy metals

Probably critical to the spark plug industry or something

(but one of them is radioactive so stay on your toes)

[Most of the top row of the transition metals + aluminum:]

Regular metals

[Below the rightmost “regular metals”:]

Weird metals

[Between “boring alloy metals” and “weird metals”:]

$$$$

[Boron:]

Boron (fool’s carbon)

[Top-center of p-block:]

You are here

[Top-right of p-block, excluding the rightmost column:]

Safety goggles required

[5 uppermost elements of the rightmost column:]

Lawful neutral

[Iodine and radon:]

Very specific health problems

[Below and to the right of “weird metals”:]

Murder weapons

[Bottom row from the fourth column onwards:]

Don’t bother learning their names - they’re not staying long

[The lanthanides and actinides below the rest of the table, two rows of fifteen elements, arrow pointing to a conspicuous gap in the third column of the main table where the fifteenth would ordinarily be:]

Whoever figures out a better way to fit these up there gets the next Nobel Prize