October 7, 2020

#2369: All-in-One

[A large printer-like machine, with the label All-in-One Paper Processor on the top left of it. There are three columns of functions, with a few of them having a green light. At the top of the machine is a “paper feed” tray. At the bottom of the machine, is a large hole, for outputting the paper.]

Column 1

• Print (lit green)
• Copy
• Fax (lit green)
• Shred
• Scan
• Translate
• Summarize
• Plagiarize
• Collate (lit green)

Column 2

• Staple (lit green)
• Remove staples
• Add those perforated edge strips that are so fun to tear
• Roll
• Burn
• Eat

Column 3

• Fold airplane
• Origami flower
• Corrugate
• Paper-mâché
• Découpage
• Notarize (lit green)
• Biodegrade
• Crumple and throw at trash like a basketball (lit green)