October 26, 2020
#2377: xkcd Phone 12
[The comic shows two smartphones: one taller and wider than the other. ]
[Labels to the left of the larger smartphone:]
- Full drivetrain warranty
- Coated for easy swallowing
- Surgical-grade apps
- Built-in 600 lb magnet for magnet fishing
- Oral-B partnership: hold phone against teeth to ultrasonically remove plaque
- 40 mL emergency water supply
- Security feature: unmarked side buttons
- 3,000,000-volt arc allows wireless charging from a range of up to 36 inches
- 99.9% BPA- and hands- free
- Extended release charge cable
- Closed timelike curves
[Labels to the right of the larger smartphone:]
- Fits in standard shipping container
- Interlocking, stackable
[Labels to the right of the smaller smartphone:]
- Nintendo partnership: GameBoy Printer compatibility
- Sustain Pedal
- CDC partnership: when in an indoor space with too many people, phone begins playing “We Like To Party! (The Vengabus)” at slowly increasing volume until everyone leaves
- Sacrificial anode
- Tactical helium reserve
- 50% below critical mass (2x safety factor)
- Shake for factory reset
- Norton MacAfee protection: if you’re ever attacked by John MacAfee, Peter Norton will come out of retirement to defend you
[Text below the phone:]
The xkcd Phone 12* and 12 Max**
*Standard **For people named Max
“The only phone you’ll ever own"®™