May 8, 2019
[Cueball is seated on an medical examination table, clutching his stomach, while Ponytail stands dressed in a doctor’s coat holding a file on a clipboard in her left hand.]
Ponytail: Well, we zapped you with energy beams, and it looks like one of your stupid organs is a traitor.
Cueball: …which one?
Ponytail: I dunno, appendix? Gallbladder? One of the little ones that sucks.
Cueball: What should I do?
[Closeup on Ponytail. She holds her left hand in a clenched fist.]
Ponytail: You could quash the revolt with the ruthless deployment of chemical and biological weapons.
Cueball (off-screen): …antibiotics?
Ponytail: But certain victory comes only through the sword.
Cueball (off-screen): Surgery.
[Closeup on Ponytail with her fists raised.]
Ponytail: While we’re inside, we’ll look around-if we see any signs of insurrection elsewhere, we will not hesitate to act. There can be no armistice. Your parts must fall in line or be crushed.
Cueball (off-screen): Um.
[Zoom out again to the entire scene. Ponytail points her left hand up.]
Ponytail: When the battle is won, we will salt your abdomen so no new organs can ever sprout up to trouble you again.
Cueball: Maybe I should get a second opinion.
Ponytail: Only if you care what a weaker doctor would say.