January 5, 2015
#1469: UV
[[A character with hair, carrying a flashlight, approaches a sitting bald character, engrossed in a laptop computer.]]
Hair’d character: Our bathroom looks pretty clean, right?
Bald character: I think so. Why?
Hair’d character: I got a UV flashlight. Come look.
[[Together they exit panel left, hair’d character proudly brandishing the UV flashlight.
[[conversation continues off-panel]]
Off-panel voice: Looks fine.
«Click»
«Click»
Off-panel voice: ..oh my god.
[[Characters return to visible panel. Bald character looks back in fear.]]
Bald character: The toilet looked like the guy’s chest after the alien burst out.
Hair’d character: What do we DO?
[[Bald character supplicates calmness with arms]]
Bald character: We clean. Clean and clean and never stop.
Hair’d character: It won’t be enough. We should just burn the place down for the insurance money.
[[The hair’d character has begun dousing the floor with a can of gasoline]]
Bald character: Isn’t that wrong?
Hair’d character: My morality has evaporated under the harsh UV light.
[[A multistory building burns brightly, as the characters watch silently.]]
[[Bald character is using a smartphone.]]
Bald character: Ok, I’m googling insurance companies. Which one do you think pays the most?
Hair’d character: Let’s just try calling around.