← Back

March 9, 2012

#1027: Pickup Artist

Pickup Artist

[[Two guys sit and enjoy some beverages while making conversation]]

Pickup Artist.: I’ve been learning tricks from pickup artist forums.

Normal Guy: Pickup artists are dehumanizing creeps who see relationships as adversarial and women as sex toys

[[The camera angle changes to show another pair of people in the background. One is a woman; the other is Black Hat Man.]]

Pickup Artist: No, it’s just a bunch of tips! Like “Negging”: You belittle chicks to undermine their self-confidence so they’ll be more vulnerable and seek your approval.

Normal Guy: Just talk to them like a fucking human being.

Pickup Artist: Nah, that’s a sucker’s game. Ok - wish me luck!


[[Focus changes to the table with the second pair. Black Hat Man gets from his chair and carries a bowling ball with him.]]

Black Hat Man: I’m going to the bathroom to roll a bowling ball down under the line of stalls.

Woman: Cool.

[[Normal Guy looks at Pickup Artist approaching Woman with dread at the scene that’s about to happen]]

Normal Guy: Oh no.

[[Pickup Artist takes a smarmy stance at Woman]]

Pickup Artist: You look like you’re on a diet. That’s great! How’s the fruit plate?

Woman: Ooh - are we negging? Let me try!

Woman: You look like you’re going to spend your life having one epiphany after another, always thinking you’ve finally figured out what’s holding you back, and how you can finally be productive and creative and turn your life around. But nothing will ever change. That cycle of mediocrity isn’t due to some obstacle. It’s who you are. The thing standing in the way of your dreams is that the person having them is you.

[[Pickup artist looks rightfully dejected]]

Woman: Ok, your turn! Ooh, try insulting my hair!

Pickup Artist: I think I need to go home and think about my life.

Woman: It won’t help.