#424: Security Holes explain

[Cueball sitting at computer.]

Cueball: I’ll just comment out these lines…

// MD_update(&m, buf, j);

// do_not_crash();

// prevent_911();

In the rush to clean up the debian-openssl fiasco, a number of other major security holes have been uncovered:

[A two-column table is shown:]

;Affected System

Security problem

;Fedora Core

Vulnerable to certain decoder rings

;Xandros (EEE PC)

Gives root access if asked in a stern voice

;Gentoo

Vulnerable to flattery

;OLPC OS

Vulnerable to Jeff Goldblum’s PowerBook

;Slackware

Gives root access if user says Elvish word for “friend”

;Ubuntu

Turns out distro is actually just Windows Vista with a few custom themes