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October 31, 2008

#498: Secretary: Part 5

Secretary: Part 5

{{The Senate. Hat Guy sits before the committee at his hearing to become Internet Secretary.}}

Chairman: We were convened here to review your nomination for the position of internet secretary.

Chairman: However, on review of your qualifications, we’ve decided to sentence you to death.

Chairman: An unorthodox move, sure. But the vote was unanimous.

{{Hat Guy is leaning back in his chair.}}

[[Meanwhile . . .]]

Tron Paul: There’s no grid! How do I steeeeer!!!!!

{{Back at the Senate. Hat Guy is standing.}}

Hat Guy: Well, it’s been fun. But I was never actually interested in taking the position. Good lord; listening to internet arguments all day? No thank you.

Chairman: Then why did you sit through all those hearings?

Hat Guy: It was taking us a while to move the pumps into the maintenance tunnels.

{{The committee members murmur among themselves.}}

{{There is a panel in the floor between Hat Guy and the committee.}}

«RUMBLE»

«plink» «plink»

{{A red playpen ball bursts out of the panel and rolls towards the committee chairman.}}

«plink»

{{The room is still. Hat Guy’s arms are folded.}}

{{A geyser of red, white, and blue playpen balls bursts through the panel in the floor. Hat Guy is already gone.}}

«FOOM»

{{The committee members chase Hat Guy out the door as the Senate floor floods with playpen balls.}}

{{The chase continues into the rotunda, as does the flood of playpen balls.}}

{{Hat Guy stands in the middle of the rotunda as it fills with playpen balls, surrounded by members of the committee.}}

Committee Members: Security! Someone!

Committee Members: Get Him!

{{Tron Paul bursts through the wall.}}

«CRASH»

Tron Paul: Aaaaa!

{{Hat Guy grabs the bottom of the lightcycle as Tron Paul goes by.}}

«snag»

Tron Paul: Hey!

{{Hat Guy swings onto the top of the light cycle.}}

{{Hat Guy crouches on top of the light cycle.}}

Tron Paul: Get Off!

{{Tron Paul and Hat Guy crash through the far wall of the rotunda.}}

«CRASH»

{{Tron Paul hits the ground.}}

«WHAM»

Tron Paul: Ow!

{{Hat Guy runs away.}}

Tron Paul: Ughhh.

{{The lightcycle disappears.}}

Tron Paul: I feel queasy . . .

Cory Doctorow, above: Hey!

Hat Guy: Hi, Cory.

Cory Doctorow: Need a lift?

Hat Guy: Sure.

{{Hat Guy and Cory Doctorow depart in Doctorow’s balloon.}}

Cory Doctorow: So are you, like, a fugitive now?

Hat Guy: Well, I never did give them my name . . .

[[But in the rotunda]]

{{Senators play in the playpen balls.}}

Senators: Let’s jump down here from the balcony!

Senators: Senior senators first!

Senators: Wheeee!

Senators: I’m a submarine!

[[All is forgiven.]]