October 31, 2008
#498: Secretary: Part 5 explain
[The Senate. Black Hat sits before the committee at his hearing to become Internet Secretary.]
Chairman: We were convened here to review your nomination for the position of internet secretary.
Chairman: However, on review of your qualifications, we’ve decided to sentence you to death.
Chairman: An unorthodox move, sure. But the vote was unanimous.
[Black Hat is leaning back in his chair.]
[Tron Paul’s lightcycle swerves wildly.]
Meanwhile…
Tron Paul: There’s no grid! How do I steeeeer!!!!!
[Back at the Senate. Black Hat is standing.]
Black Hat: Well, it’s been fun. But I was never actually interested in taking the position. Good lord; listening to internet arguments all day? No thank you.
Chairman: Then why did you sit through all those hearings?
Black Hat: It was taking us a while to move the pumps into the maintenance tunnels.
[The committee members murmur among themselves.]
[There is a panel in the floor between Black Hat and the committee.]
RUMBLE
plink plink
[A red playpen ball bursts out of the panel and rolls towards the committee chairman.]
plink
[The room is still. Black Hat’s arms are folded.]
[A geyser of red, white, and blue playpen balls bursts through the panel in the floor. Black Hat is already gone.]
FOOM
[The committee members chase Black Hat out the door as the Senate floor floods with playpen balls.]
[The chase continues into the rotunda, as does the flood of playpen balls.]
[Black Hat stands in the middle of the rotunda as it fills with playpen balls, surrounded by members of the committee.]
Committee Members: Security! Someone!
Committee Members: Get Him!
[Tron Paul bursts through the wall.]
CRASH
Tron Paul: Aaaaa!
[Black Hat grabs the bottom of the lightcycle as Tron Paul goes by.]
snag
Tron Paul: Hey!
[Black Hat swings onto the top of the light cycle.]
[Black Hat crouches on top of the light cycle.]
Tron Paul: Get Off!
[Tron Paul and Black Hat crash through the far wall of the rotunda.]
CRASH
[Tron Paul hits the ground.]
WHAM
Tron Paul: Ow!
[Black Hat runs away.]
Tron Paul: Ughhh.
[The lightcycle disappears.]
Tron Paul: I feel queasy…
Cory Doctorow, above: Hey!
Black Hat: Hi, Cory.
Cory Doctorow: Need a lift?
Black Hat: Sure.
[Black Hat and Cory Doctorow depart in Doctorow’s balloon.]
Cory Doctorow: So are you, like, a fugitive now?
Black Hat: Well, I never did give them my name…
[Senators play in the playpen balls.]
But in the rotunda
Senators: Let’s jump down here from the balcony!
Senators: Senior senators first!
Senators: Wheeee!
Senators: I’m a submarine!
All is forgiven.