#496: Secretary: Part 3 explain

[The confirmation hearings begin.]

Senator: It appears you have quite an arrest record.

Senator: Is it true you completely disassembled someone’s car outside a Starbucks?

Black Hat: It was parked across two spaces.

Senator: You stole a red Fokker triplane and strafed the snoopy float at the Macy’s Thanksgiving day parade?

Black Hat: Got three mimes, too.

Senator: You disrupted a 9/11 truth meeting, insisting the Twin Towers never actually collapsed?

Black Hat: I have evidence! Don’t trust the media! Wake up, sheeple!

Senator: You were fired from Radio Shack after you built a death ray and vaporized a customer?

Black Hat: I was just testing it! Figures that’d be the one day there was a shopper in the aisle.

Senator: And you were thrown out of Microsoft headquarters for… trying to feed a squirrel through a fax machine?

Black Hat: I forgot about that! it was part of an argument with Steve Ballmer about Vista.

Which I won, by the way.

[Senators look down at their notes.]

Senator: This is the worst history of vandalism, gleeful mayhem, and general recalcitrance we’ve seen in a nominee since Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

Senator: And this-you stole a nuclear submarine?

Black Hat: I plead the third.

Senator: You mean the fifth?

Black Hat: No, the third.

Senator: You refuse to quarter troops in your house?

Black Hat: I have few principles, but I stick to them.

Meanwhile…

[Aboard Ron Paul’s blimp.]

Ponytail: We’re nearing Washington, sir.

Wait… There’s something ahead on the sensors.

Ponytail: It’s a balloon.

Ron Paul: …Oh, no.