#141: Parody Week: Achewood

[[Philippe is dreaming of having his ears checked. There’s an eye chart on the wall behind him.]]

Doctor (out of frame): Philippe, your hearing is perfect! In fact, you heard ALL the beeps! You have super-hearing! You’re needed at Hogwarts!

Philippe: Oh boy!

[[Ray is holding a letter and talking to Roast Beef.]]

Ray: Beef, check this out. I got an invite to that The Dude Is Pretty Awesome In Most Measurable Ways I Mean Wow competition.

Beef: Alright that is pretty sweet dogg what is your strategy gonna consist of

Ray: I’m thinkin’ I need to point out my best features–maybe go holdin’ a sign with an arrow toward my junk.

[[Ray holds up a sign saying “Yes” such that the an arrow on it points directly at his crotch.]]

Beef: Yeah well I always said subtlety was your middle name dogg

Beef: And also your first and last in case they didn’t get the point

Ray: How do you think I should play it?

Beef: Well basically you got no chance as I see it these dudes are all lovers and fighters to the last

Beef: All sprung fully formed from the head of Sweet Sweetback

Beef: You are gonna stand out as the sort of dude who stays at home all night playing fleshlight tag

Ray: These words you got are crazy. Didn’t I win the outdoor fight?

Beef: Uh huh about the fight I wasn’t gonna tell you but how could you miss that I was setting you up

Ray: What?

Beef: You got played dogg

Beef: I basically just didn’t have the heart to go through with it in the end.

Beef: Anyway the point is that you are gonna lose this thing so hard

Beef: All cheap McD’s hamburger to their slabs of steak

Beef: A couple 12-oz sirloins garnished with nothing but pure manhood

Beef: Maybe some sprigs of parsley

Beef: You are pretty much going down

[[Closeup of a shocked Ray.]]

[[Silence.]]

[[Silence. Beef looks perturbed and his ear is twitching. Ray’s mouth is open.]]

[[Silence. Beef looks sorry.]]

[[Silence. Beef looks sorry and Ray looks annoyed.]]

[[Silence.]]

[[Silence. Beef is looking down and Ray’s mouth is open.]]

[[Silence. Ray’s mouth is open.]]

[[Silence. Beef is looking down and Ray’s mouth is open.]]

[[Silence. Beef looks surprised.]]

{{alt: I always wanted to impress them with how well I could hear, didn’t you? Also, this sets the record for number of awkward-pause panels in one strip (previously held by Achewood)]]